My standards haven’t dropped – I just can’t keep them up...

At times, I’m quite sure that my kids have moved my neat-freak obsession into a forever ongoing Pong playing session between “oh crap my hand will self-explode in 3 - 2 -1 after touching your poo” to “meh what’s a bit of vomit in my hand..I’ll just dry that on the back of my pants...”

Oh my, how things have changed...

Pre-kids I had to roll out the big guns to clear out and clean any remains from the shopping bags left ON THE KITCHEN BENCH, left there my beloved husband! Argh, the bags, in my neat-freak mind, go ON THE FLOOR. They have touched the bottom of the trolley! It’s.. it’s..close to poison! Your socks. That you have used all day. Floor. Travel Bags. FLOOR.  I think I have a magical limit that everything above the waist, that’s ok, but everything else.... Floor.

My husband, who has more of a visible fear of dirt, explained my invisible fear (imaginable he called it at times..) that it’s like the cartoon trolls in your mouth. You can’t see them. But they are there. The ARE! And they gotta go! 

Taaaa-daaaa.. Kid #1 enters the world (and by all means it was nothing like taa-daa..)

Still to this day, I swear it was pretty manageable. We knew where he was. We saw what he touched. What went in his mouth and not. It felt like a smooth “-ish” ride to get through.

Along comes Kid #2...

...and we are out! It was like all control of keeping and staying germ free went out the door. “See ya later’ it said and laughed in my face – We will not see each other for years”! Ohh boo, my dear friend, come back I beg you!

I swear that kid loves grubby stuff. Sand. Yum. Toilet Seat. Ohh exciting. Toilet brush. I’ll use you in the hallway..  ”Ohhh whyyyy the toilet, don’t you understand just how gross it is??”.

So, as the clock strikes "close to bedtime" the bathtub fills up and Little Genie Baby Bubble Bath overflows. Bath toys go in. Bath toys go back out. And then in again. Teeth are brushed. Tooth brush is dipped in the bubbles for extra taste and bubbles. Nice one Bill!

I have raised my white flag and surrendered. It’s a battle I just can’t win (at least not all parts of it) and at the end of the day, what’s a bit of wee in the carpet? Right? Now, I fully inhale the possible contents of my kiddo’s bum out in public  – I’m like a full-time pro changing nappies with one hand and eating snacks with the other.

// Adventures of Fred & Bill

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